being in love

im thinking. maybe i was too emotional yesterday. i am so PMSsy that i am biased. whee.
i feel better now. but i dont feel well. moody moody moody. im seeing so little of kip that i dunno. i feel very detached from him. he's always not free. when he books out, he will be so tired that we dont really spend alot alot of time tgt. and im gna start work soon. so that means lesser time for us. rah.
i thought life would be better after my a's. but now i tink i prefer before a's. ok no. im kidding.
hah. i think its all the PMS stuff gg to my head. that i feel emo and emo and emo. LA~
but .. i dunno. la.
bye. i dunno what to say lol.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

11:33:00 PM

hi its me again. haha. i have such a wonderful life. such a happy family. such a sweet mum. how loving my family. hah. dream on.

it is neither sweet, nor happy, nor wonderful. nor do i have a mum who cares about me. all she cares is how her dear and wonderful friends think of US. yes. our horrible relationship. my horrible attitude. my excessive spending. my mindlessness. my stupidness. my hot temperedness.
oh how i wonder where did i get all these traits from. from myself? hmm. i really wonder. what makes her think that i learnt all these things out of nowhere.
what happened to being a proud parent. oh. i forgot. she was never proud of me. not even when i got 256 for PSLE. not even when i got into dunman high. oh and not even when i managed to get into a JC. a top 5 JC mind you. oh no. whatever i do is always wrong. there's always something for her to be ashame of me. yes. and what she thinks and do is always right. oh and what she says too. and i, miss cheryl cheah yee shuan, is always in the wrong. no matter reason or not. yes no one can win her in arguement. yes she has the right to complain to her dear BEST friend. when i cannot complain to my dearest boyfriend. cuz when i do, she will scream and scream and keep me away from the phone. she will say im ungrateful. to here im nothing but a piece of shit. yes. i think so. how wonderful, the idea of being a piece of shit. if you wna know how it feels like, ask me. i can tell you.
to think i actually thought that our relationship is actually improving. hah. what a joke. i must be the most naive person on earth. and the stupidest one too. woohoo. everyone else in the world to her is way better than her daughter. a million times better. her daughter, namely me, is the bane of her life. and insult to her reputation. the thorn of her apple.
her daughter is never good enough. never good enough for her friends. never good enough to be seen. never good enough to be known. oh and her daughter is incorrigibly lazy. she doesnt do housework. she doesnt do her own laundry. she doesnt sweep the floor mop the floor iron her clothes like other people's kids do. but wait a minute. where was she when her daughter tries to do all these stuff? where was she when her dear daughter wanted to help or has helped but she was never happy with it?
its not me not wanting to do. but when i actually do those stuff.. when were you ever happy with it?things i do was never good enough for you.
today i had a row with her. oh well i was suppose to go to her office for interview tomorrow. but wait, she shouted at me the moment i reach home. and sounded veh unwilling to tell me what time is she setting off. and using the condescending tone to reply me. i was trying very hard to keep my cool alrdy. but who could when your own mum speaks to you like that. i was trying to be nice. but i have my own temper too. she says im uncoachable. im not willing to learn. i dont take directions. i dont know. maybe shes right afteral. im a good for nothing piece of shit. how lovely. i wonder where does my low self esteem comes from. no wonder im as confident as im now. it takes no genius to figure out where am i such an insecure wreck. why do i always need reassurance. why do i feel constantly awkward in social situations.

she really doesnt want me in her office. she rather have my friends there. than having me there. to her, im nothing compared to them. well she's afraid that i will be a disgrace to her. ha. im sure i will be, if she thinks that i am one. once a loser always a loser. how true is it. im a loser to her. im so lousy that i do not deserve to be seen on the surface of the earth. yay. how wonderful.

this like totally spoilt my mood to blog about prom. anyways i shall blog about prom another day.
not that many people reads my blog anyways.
night people. shall go cry into my pillow.

LALALA

Hello dear reader. If you do not wish to read the rants of a very childish adult-to-be. I suggest you run far far away now. (: For those who stayed. Congrats. You know have access to my wonderful life! Enjoy!

Me and My Crazy Life

ilovemydarling. ilovemybesties. ilovemyfriends. ilovemyfamily.
iwantahandphone. iwantearpiece. iwantclothes. iwanttogetintouniversity.
ineedaNEWJOB

GOSSIPS

affiliates

my dahling* me
*cherie
abby andy brandon claire clovis danieL desmond desmondwong elizabeth esther florence huanghuan huiqi huping isabella janice jasmine jasmin jonathan justine kayee kexin linlin lixuan lydia mabel marie matt melissa mua! muthu peiling peifang rabecca rachel serhua shalynn shijie siwei sihan suewei sunny thirtytwo-ohsix unice wanhsin wan ying xuejun yifang yuling zhangfan zhu en
keep them in clouds if you want.